The happiest people in the world aren't the gold medalists. Look at Michael Phelps. Look at Kobe Bryant. Look at [insert athlete here] and [insert athlete here]. Look at [insert CEO] look at Anthony Bourdain. The happiest people aren't the best in their field. They often aren't the most well known.
But they're able to participate. They get to play the game. They get to have fun and be included. They have a tendency to look on the bright side because things can always be worse and they know that.
Ask any person who has ever come in third place, and you'll find the happiest person around.
Why I'm A Bronze Medalist
I just want to play the game
If life were scored on participation points, I'd be in the 1%. I love to just play the game. Whatever the game is, I can only stay on the sidelines for so long. I also have a propensity towards sharing. Hence writing online, creating a YouTube channel for guitar education, and running around baseball parks.
It's more fun to play the game than to win the game - more often than not. I love winning, but I don't want my enjoyment of life to come from that sense of winning. I learned a long time ago that only one person can win, and that doesn't have to determine your happiness or your progress.
"Great game, Amy," Caitlin said.
"We lost," I lamented.
"But you played well," Caitlin replied.
I was 15 when the captain of the varsity volleyball team imparted a life lesson on me. I doubt she remembers that moment, but I do.
You can lose and still play well. You can come in third place and still be on the podium. And it''s more fun to be on the podium than off.
Derek Sivers's main point in his essay is that it's more fun to come in third place than second place. You're still on the podium! If you had come in 4th place you wouldn't be on the podium at all. Better to be on than off!
No one wins everything every time. Every race isn't won by the person who has won the most races. And being a good sport is part of living a good life. If you always win, you don't know how to lose. Coming in third place allows a moment of humbleness in your esteemed life that you probably need. There's a reason why we love to see the victors fall. And why so many people hated the Yankees in the late 90s and early 2000s: they won too much.
Comparing Down vs. Comparing Up
The beauty of being a bronze medalist is you're not silver. You're not looking at the gold medalist drenched in envy and regret. You're on the podium thinking, "Cool! I'm on the podium!" Because if you had been one second slower, you'd be in 4th place. And you'd be fuming.
So when you have the choice, and you do, compare yourself to what could have been worse. It will create an immense and very real sense of gratitude. And that's always worth acknowledging.
C. Avoid Envy
Comparison is a natural instinct. Trying to fight it only makes you feel worse about it. But you can avoid jealousy.
If you're always chasing the best, you will always be disappointed. Because some new thing will come out the day after you buy your shiny new thing and then you'll be envious. But if you can redirect your focus towards being good enough, you'll be much happier with your choices and with yourself.
Because more often than not, what you have is good enough. Who you are is good enough. You're good enough at your job. That's not to say things can't be better, but remember, they can be worse.
And when those moments of envy bubble up and you can't help yourself. You feel that seething jealousy in your veins - use it. Use it as fuel. So much of the time things happen as a result of someone saying "I could do that better." And then they do. And then they realize that their early envy should have been let go of a long time ago, but that's for another story.
How to Be A Bronze Medalist
Remain Positive
I know I have a natural bias towards optimism, but I can still take a good hard look at myself and acknowledge my situation. Right now I'm in the midst of a musical transformation and it's HARD. It's not an instinct for me to play this way. But I know there's so much waiting for me. I know that if I put the time in I will see results I couldn't have imagined. I know that because it's happened in other arenas and I've seen it happen to people around me and online.
It's a constant practice to remain positive. It's easier for some than it is for others, but it is a skill that can be acquired. And it's one that's worth acquiring.
Take In The Whole Scene
What does it mean to be the best? Can you be the best? I don't think you can. I think you can DO your best, but if I wanted to be the best writer or musician or teacher or whatever, that would be self-defeating because it's impossible to be the best. Someone else will always come along and knock you off your perch. But you can always do your best, and that's what matters more.
Where you start and where you end aren't up to you. But the middle - which is the longest part of life - is up to you. Looking back is amazing because it lets you see how far you've come. Writing 1,000 posts or selling 500 copies of your course or whatever it is, remember at some point you had zero. And now you have a lot more! How cool is that? That's the stuff that's worth celebrating.
The problem with wanting to be the best is that it's fleeting. You win the award! And then what? Next year, someone else will win it. It's possible you might win it again, but chances are you won't. But you can always DO your best, no matter if you win or lose.
Still Aim For Gold
But detach from the outcome.
This is a Stoic idea as well as a Buddhist idea as well as a Daoist. Any worthy philosophy has something along those lines. Any HEALTHY philosophy has an idea like this because if it's not in your control, it's not worth worrying about.
Also, to come in third place in an elite event of any kind still means you have to be good. The skillset of a third place finisher and a first place finisher aren't different. Both have to work on their crafts intensely. Both have to work on the same things.
But one has a much better time along the way.
Conclusion
If you want to have more fun and enjoy life, adopt the mindset of a bronze medalist. The skillset is still elite, but the mindset is much more enjoyable.
And remember, it's far better to be on the podium than not on it at all.